Bar Tales Chapter 5: The Paradox of Strength
Posted 12/27/2008 by smartblackboy in Labels: bar tales, cry, curator, dead babies, Facebook, fiction, girls, half german, half mexican, jessica marie rucker templeton sherrell, photography, power, relationships
I fall in love easily.
It really doesn't take much.
Sometimes, I click through my friends pictures on facebook, and see a beautiful girl.
She is half mexican and german with dark hair and high cheek bones.
She is a photographer and art curator (aren't they always).
She likes dancing and Jesus and doesn't do either as much as she would like.
Her eyes say I like to burn down pretty things.
Yet she admits to being a mess, therefore I can't help but think she is weak.
I can't help but think she needs saving.
And if I were to ever meet her, I can't help but think I would be the worst thing that ever happened to her.
Sometimes you can boil your essence into one simple sentence:
I make girls cry.
It is so remarkable because I am the last guy on earth who should be able to make a girl cry. I'm not threatening, I'm very attuned to emotion, I pay attention, I am sweet, I am funny, I am in some ways like a girl.
Yet time and time and time and time again - I find crying girls on my doorstep.
There is nothing worse than finding a crying girl on your doorstep.
It is like finding a dead baby.
I know that is harsh but when you have made the crying girl cry, and she is on your doorstep, it is the worst feeling in the world.
See you can't save a dead baby - it is already dead. However, you can't get rid of it either. You can't ignore it. The baby is on your doorstep - demanding your attention, and you must give it to her.
This is why one of my resolutions for 2009 is for the first time in 7 years, go an entire year without causing a girl to cry.
However, I feel like I will be easier to not eat meat or dairy for a month than to achieve this goal.
Because at the end of the day, I need to find someone stronger than myself. Yet, the paradox is that all strong people have one great weakness - they want to be understood.
So, if I would devour a weaker girl, a strong girl has even less of a chance - I would unfortunately actually want her, and respect her, and seek to love her.
And that only makes it worse.
And it all ties back in to falling in love.
Love makes us vulnerable. Love is power.
If you have a greater capacity for love than another person, you have more power than them.
Unfortunately, I am a very powerful person.
Unfortunately, Jessica Marie Rucker Templeton Sherrell, I would make you cry.
2 comment(s) to... “Bar Tales Chapter 5: The Paradox of Strength”
2 comments:
Very strong entry. You've reminded me that I need to start posting on my blog more.
do you walk around with chopped onions in your pockets?
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