Dear Diary,

I find myself constantly saying, “Things are always the same”, but they never are.

I’ll run a mile, repeat, run one more and continue. I am constantly changing my mind, attempting to understand all possible scenarios of heavy breathing and racing arms. That is how I know things are constantly changing. That is how I know I am not stuck in the same spiral of sweaty palms and burning skin.

I have a friend; we used to be the best of friends, but lately, we just don’t land on the same page like we used to. I’m not sure whether she’s growing bored of me, or if I’m growing bored of her, but I just don’t see that light that used to shine bright. It has grown dull, unoriginal, and desperate to intrigue, or maybe I’m just now noticing. That is how I know things are constantly changing. That is how I know I am not stuck in the same spiral of good laughs and new, interesting conversations.

The year, it passes through, attempting to be discreet about its development, though it only accentuates its growth by making some pleasantly extroverted, while others, it keeps locked away in memories of the year before. It makes some chipper with its annual warming and those afraid to melt, are left like popsicles out of an icebox. That is how I know things are constantly changing. That is how I know I have the opportunity to burn and go out without heavy layers of skin.

I am different; I am forever changing.

- astruso.

Even though Valentine's Day is not just for lovers, it is, in fact, for lovers. A whole lot of hypocrisy, I know, but I hope you'll forgive me, because I meant to make you a mixed tape, but this is all I have to give... I'm going to suggest you make your own gifts, or at least cards, this Valentine's Day. What better way to show your true affection than by something you spent time, working on. I don't know about you guys, but I'm a firm believer in, It's the thought that counts. That being said, next to each song, I'm also going to include a few lines from it, so you may include them in your card. These will definitely be more original than your typical Hallmark cards.

Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell- Ain't No Mountain High Enough

Best Coast- When I'm With You

Devendra Banhart- Shabop Shalom

Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Hysteric

The Beatles- I Should Have Known Better

Pink Floyd- Us and Them

Okay, so this is definitely not a love song, but the romanticizing saxophone, the timid organ, and the eventual chorus give you the sensation that is it.

The Cure- Just Like Heaven

-"...Show me how you do it, and I promise you, I'll run away with you."

-"You, strange as angels dancing in the deepest oceans, twisting in the water. You're just like a dream."

-"Daylight licked me into shape. I must have been asleep for days, and moving lips, to breathe her name, I opened up my eyes."

Caesars- Strawberry Weed

-"And you taste like strawberry, smooth

like strawberry weed."

-"Honey move closer; sit down and listen. Let me tell you you're everything my life has been missing."

-"You keep me coming back for more."

Tommy James & The Shondells- Crimson and Clover

-"Well I don't hardly know her, but I think I can love her."

-"Well if she come walking over, now I been waiting to show her... over and over."

-"My mind's such a sweet thing. I wanna do everything. What a beautiful feeling."

Bright Eyes- First Day of My Life

-"Yours was the first face that I saw. I Think I was blind before I met you."

-"So I thought I'd let you know that these things take forever, I especially am slow. But I realized that I need you"

-"This is the first day of my life. I'm glad I didn't die before I met you. But now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you."

-"So if you wanna be with me, with these things there's no telling, we'll just have to wait and see. But I'd rather be working for a paycheck, than waiting to win the lottery."

-"Besides maybe this time it's different. I mean, I really think you like me."

The Weepies- Be My Thrill

-"Be my thrill, my little white pill, my unpaid bill, the one who will."

-"Be my love, my little grey dove, my push and my shove, my heaven above."

-"And we tumble down like Jack and Jill. And I miss all of the joy you kill, but I love you still."

-"Be my one, my day in the sun, my little pop gun, the best thing I've done."

-"Be my what, my open and shut, my everything but, my little hot slut."

-"Every morning is like the one before, and everybody needs someone to adore. I'm counting on you. Oh, oh baby say you will. Oh, oh baby be my thrill. "

-"Be my youth, my kissing booth, my little sweet tooth, my beauty and truth."

-"Be my thrill, my little white pill, my wait up until, the one who will."

Smile Smile- Tempo Bledsoe

-"I knew that I would. I never thought I'd get to hold you in my arms and never want to let you down, or go."

-"If happiness is you, I'm happier than ever. My life belongs to you, I hope this is forever. Is it love? Baby, I hope so."

-"You've been untouchable for years, and now, I want to touch you. I can't believe you're here. You'll never know how much you turn me on."

-"I was meant to be alone, but then you came and changed me. A wrecking ball of sorts, sent to rearrange things. Baby, I hope you stick around."

Meredith Willson- Till There Was You

-"There were bells on a hill, but I never heard them ringing. No, I never heard them at all, 'till there was you."

-"There were birds in the sky, but I never saw them winging. No, I never saw them at all, 'till there was you."

-"And there was music, and wonderful roses, they'd tell me, in sweet fragrant meadows of dawn and you"

-"There was love all around, but I never heard it singing. No, I never heard it at all, 'till there was you."

Julieta Venegas- Limón Y Sal

It was 1976, but I don’t remember much of what happened that year. All I recall is my skin growing especially pale and a boy I was particularly fond of…
“What class are you going to now?” asked Emily.
“That painting class I was telling you about, with professor Holstein,” I replied in a dazed tone. I simply had not been feeling like myself lately. It could have been the insomnia, or perhaps the faint connection I felt towards everyone.
“Woah, Holstein, he’s good, and difficult to get. How’d you pull that off?”
“I don’t know, just signed up for classes early.”
“I’ll meet you tonight, at Zeno’s. You’re coming, right?”
Shoot, I totally forgot about Zeno’s, and here I was, planning on making it a movie night, just me and a pint of classic vanilla ice cream.
“Of course. I wouldn’t miss shooting darts and stale bar nuts with my best friends,” I replied in a deceivingly sincere tone. She began galloping away as she contently sung, “You better not.” I’m surprise she didn’t catch the sarcasm; she always catches my sarcasm. I wasn’t planning on missing out on tonight, but I honestly did not feel like going.
I arrived to class a bit early. I took a seat near the front, as I do in all my classes. The small room quickly filled with a variety of people. Finally, professor Holstein marched in. I could tell he was an impatient man, with his fiery skin and the attitude to match. Nonetheless, he was pleasantly humorous and extroverted. As he cracked one of his many jokes, I laughed and looked around the room. No one stood out, except for one lad. He had dark brown hair, and the sweetest eyes. His shoulders were bold, yet delicate, and his attentiveness was quite captivating. For the rest of the class, I attempted not to stare, and I was successful, though it was difficult.
That night I went to Zeno’s, shot some darts, ate stale bar nuts, and, oh yeah, saw the lad from my art class.
“So that’s your mystery chap?”
“Yup.”
“What are you waiting for? Go talk to him.”
“Are you insane?! I don’t know him”
“That’s why you walk over there, and get to know him. You know you want to,” giddily affirmed Emily, with the smuggest look on her face. I was trying to play it cool, only looking over at him ever few minutes, but Emily and Nathan were making it impossible by repeatedly looking over in his direction.
“Quit looking. He’s going to know we’re talking about him.”
“Oh relax, he already saw you.”
“I’m serio… What? Really? When? Oh no! He’s going to think I’m a total creep and…”
“Relax. It was about fifteen minutes ago, when you went to the washroom. He watched you walk there, then, come back.” I was certain Emily was messing with me. There was no way he would even notice me.
“It’s true,” said Nathan. Once he affirmed it, I began to think Emily’s claim was somewhat credible, and I blushed.
The night went on and I was still there, shooting darts, eating stale bar nuts, and now, drinking a cool mineral water with lemon. I looked around at the dim container of drunken college students and girls with their much older college boyfriends, and noticed my new attraction was working his way through the sea of bodily blurs. I could tell he was leaving, because he grabbed his coat and shook hands goodbye. I didn’t want him to leave, but I didn’t want to attempt anything to make him stay.
He stopped a few meters from the doorway to chat with a friend he ran into, but the entire time, he stared and smiled at me. I, of course was chatting up my own friends, but could not help but stare and smile back. It was as if our gazes locked and nothing could avert our eyes, until finally, his conversation died, and so did our optical romance…

Well, well, well, another Valentines Day is on its way. For many, this day is about love (obviously), passion, and lots and lots of red, and hearts, and stuffed animals that sing in a disquieting fashion. However, for those of us who do not have that special someone, it can also serve as a painful reminder or our afflicting loneliness (not really). How many Valentines Days is one supposed to spend alone, only wishing the person they’re crazy about will notice them? Everyone goes about it in a different manner; some buy themselves a giant box of delectably fattening assorted chocolates, others, a gallon of ice cream, as they spend a romantic evening between themselves and about 6,000 calories, but for those of us afraid of developing heart disease, we simply turn on some comforting tunes which empathize with our dilemma. Here are some of my favorite tracks.

Weezer- El Scorcho

This is the ultimate, I'm too shy to tell you how I feel song.

We all love Weezer, and who doesn't love that hilariously cute line, "I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon. "

The Beatles- You've Got to Hide Your Love Away

Personally, I think The Beatles were masters of songs having to do with love, unrequited love, a lack of a relationship etc.

It's much easier to "hide your love away" than look foolish for having those certain feelings, and these lovely men certainly captured that logic.

Ra Ra Riot- Can You Tell

"Oh have I been too discreet? How long am I supposed to wait?"

This track portrays that, I'm really into you, but I get nervous whenever you're around, and because of it, I'm getting nowhere feeling.

Bob Marley- Waiting in Vain

From the man himself, to you, "I don't want to wait in vain for your love." No one enjoys waiting, especially when it's waiting for the love of a particular person. "So don't treat me like a puppet on a string."

Fitz & The Tantrums- We Don't Need No Love Songs

What better way to portray heartache than through soul? Because "everybody's been through love in vain," and it's comforting to know that we're not the only one feeling this pathetic.

Derek and The Dominos- Layla

"[Insert name here], you got me on my knees."

This song was actually inspired by Clapton's unrequited love for his friend's (George Harrison) wife, which later became his own wife. Mmmmm.

Born Ruffians- What To Say

"I have no idea, what to say, when I'm talking to you."

We often get nervous when talking to that one person and don't know what to say, and often even ruin the conversation with idiot comments.

The Rentals- Waiting

I like how they join the frustration of waiting with a catchy tune you can dance to in your seat, while, of course, waiting.
(Track not available)

Frank Sinatra- I Get A Kick Out of You

I have love-love-loved Sinatra from an early age. Why? because, "I get a kick every time I see you standing there, before me. I get a kick, though it's clear to see, you obviously do not adore me."

If you knew me, you would know that I often serenade my friends, with his songs, and my, "Sinatra voice."

Born Ruffians- Pool Party Fun

"And it sucks when you find someone, but they don't find you."

Yes, another track, because they're great... This particular song sounds as though it would be playing in a sad scene off of one of the Toy Story movies...

Of Montreal- Baby

Now, for the cherry on top:

"And even though my feelings aren't returned, and in time, I won't think about you this way. That still doesn't stop me just for now, wishing we're each other's baby... I don't know if it was chance or if this happened by fate. I don't expect you to feel the same, but if you did, well that would be great."

This track is off their first album and it is, without a doubt, the most endearing album ever.

Milo is a senior in high school who is in love with a girl which shows absolutely no interest in him, because she hardly acknowledges him as Milo, but as, "just another boy at school."

Dear diary,

I could tell her hair was growing, just like my love…

I see her everyday. She always sits alone; she is always reading. I always sit with my friends, though I would rather sit with her, but I am the most timid, fearful of what she may think of me.

She is beautiful, delicate, yet able.

When she walks, she is always on a mission.

When she speaks, she never fails to intrigue and evoke laughter.

I've only actually spoken to her, once. She was in an art class, carving a small replica of the Venus De Milo. I walked up and complimented her on her work. She kindly thanked me and continued to work diligently, as though I had no effect on her. I’ve attempted to start up various conversations, but she never hears my soft calls for her attention.

We have so much in common. I know this because we have a few mutual friends, and, I may have, possibly, asked about her a few times, but in a totally non-stalker way. They have also failed to introduce us. It’s probably because we’re hardly ever in the same place and she would never be interested in a guy like me. I mean, look at me. My hair is kinky and due for a trim. This belly isn’t going anywhere soon, and she could get any guy, with a face and a body like that, maybe even some girls. Indeed, she is the whole package, and I’m just a big package.

Her hair is long, brown and silky. She has the most captivating smile which makes you feel as though you’re the only one in the room. Her sense of humor is, oh God, amazing. We even like the same music... Why must she unknowingly do this to me? Why must I be a teenager in love?

- astruso.

Dear Diary,

I sat there anxiously, as I whispered quietly to myself. “Abandonment, that is my greatest fear, because it is my greatest pain.”

The days move swiftly on, as I watch strangers pass, as though wanting to say something. It’s apparent that when we lose something, we hold on tightly to the next, for fear of losing it. However, I act with a great sense of absence, perpetual nervousness which allows me no grip. It makes me cold and distant. It leaves me forsaken and afraid.

I heal myself before I am healed.

I hurt before I am hurt, just to have them, leave before I am left.

I am a machine.

I am a heartless woman.

I am an old hag with a provocative figure.

Feel my cold hands which speak of desolate love, creep onto your chest. I’m tired of being the cursed party, exploiting a man’s love simply to abandon them in the manner of which I was left, alone and as bitter as an immature lime.

I met a young man a few years ago. He’s been after me ever since.

He’s a kind boy, a handsome boy, but I am a woman, a heartless woman.

One day, he showed up at my window and asked me for admission through my front door. I never understood why he didn’t just knock on the door in the first place. I asked him, but all he said was, “A prince always goes through the window.” He paused momentarily, as though wanting to say, “I love you,” but added, “And you’re my princess.” We became close friends and went to drive in shows, out for lunch to outdoor cafes and even volunteered together at local street fairs.

Last week, he was helping me rearrange my apartment. We worked all day, into the night. Growing weary we agreed he could stay on my sofa. The next morning he awoke me from my slumber to remind me I had to go to work. I thanked him, but I saw a horrified look on his face. He took a seat next to my awakening body, slightly lifted my shirt and asked, “What happened here?” He had found my door, the giant scar which held my controls. I felt the wooden dowels creep painlessly into his fingers, which lurked along my back. He had a warm touch and a tool kit. He was a kind mechanic.

- astruso.

Ever been to a party, only to be in that very awkward situation? You know, when you can't tell if the couple next to you is "dancing" or having "sex on the dance floor," as I like to put it. Yes, well, that's precisely the reason I avoid parties. Although one may not party much, we sure like to shake our groove thang and boogie down. Fortunately, I've got this great playlist of super fun, super fantastic tracks for, your next shindig. Everyone will be dancing together and clapping their hands, without worrying about a possible baby on the way, just some good ol', clean fun.

Here's the playlist. Enjoy.

Bedroom Eyes- Dancing Under The Influence

Fortunately for us, we don't have to be under the influence to dance and have a blast.

Best Coast- Boyfriend (Ghostwaves Edit)

This 80's edit is super sweet. When the male's voice comes in saying, "Hey little girl, I wanna be your boyfriend," it sounds as though the Ramones' lyrics were used, from the song, I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend... The original is good too.

Citizen Cope- Son's Gonna Rise

This track has got a hip hop feel to it, which I really like.

Devendra Banhart- Lover

Devendra Banhart- Carmencita

Lover was featured on Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist. I had heard his name before, but never got into his music until my sister ordered Smokey Rolls Down Thunder Mountain, and I immediately fell in love with the rest of his work. If you watch the video for Carmencita, you'll find Banhart kissing your ears with peculiar, Spanish lyrics, as well as starring in an amateur Bollywood film.

The Doors- Peace Frog

I just love pretending to be Jim. You get to make funny faces as you sing with a deep, manly tone, plus, you get to take your shirt off, all in the privacy of your own room, of course.

Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros- Home

First time I heard this, I was hooked. There have been days where I've played it at least 20 times.
The Feelies- Forces At Work

From the north, formed in the late 70's. What's not to like? And look at what charmers they are, however, this particular track doesn't go anywhere until about one and a half minutes into it.

Frightened Rabbit- Nothing Like You

This Scotish group, well, you can tell they're not American, but it's okay, because they're fantastic. (in relation to next description)

Goldhawks- 1996

I just ran into them two nights ago. I grew fond quickly... I find it particularly interesting how when artists from the UK sing, you'd think they were American.
Good Shoes- All In My Head

I just really like this song. It's fun, and I especially like pretending as though I'm on drums.

The Horrors- Excellent Choice

The Horrors have a haunting, yet upbeat sound. Sometimes, you don't know if you should be fearful of having having fun, but I'm sure they want you to enjoy their sweet, creepy tunes.

Le Tigre- Deceptacon

This fast paced, power-punk tune will have everyone at your shin dig hopping, pointing to objects mentioned in the lyrics, and out of their shell as well as off the wall. "Who took the bomp from the bomp-a-lomp-a-lomp?"

Led Zeppelin- Trampled Underfoot

Anyone that at least knows who I am, knows my all time favorite artist is Leeeeeed Zeppelinnn! This song makes me want to grab my thick Dr. Martin Sandals, one of my many flare jeans, and one of my Led Zeppelin shirts so I can dance around and look cool like Donna from That 70's Show.

Little Richard- Tutti Frutti

I love love love this song. Little Richard, you're the-man. Wooooooo!

Mando Diao- Mean Street

Not that I'm favoring them, but I'm quite fond of the video.

Of Montreal- Heimdalsgate Like A Promethean Curse

Any true Of Montreal fan would recognize their album artwork if they were half blind. It's as appealing and colorful as they are. Imagine them playing this song and blowing feathers everywhere, through a smashed costume head, everyone jumping up and down and having a good time, sweating, but no one caring.
Of Montreal- Requiem for OMM 2

Of Montreal- The Party's Crashing Us

The Sunlandic Twins is one of my favorite albums, though since they're one of my favorite artists, I suppose all their albums would be. This is actually the wallpaper on my phone... Oh yes, Of Montreal has the most party friendly songs out of any other artist I know. When playing their music at your next shindig, I guarantee you a good time, just remember to invite a sista.

Passion Pit- Sleepyhead

Sure, this is their most popular song, but why shouldn't it be? This track will really getting you jumpin' and fist pumpin', fo' real. I saw them this summer and, WOW! They put on an amazing show. It would have been a lot more fun if the old people there weren't so rude, but the gentlemen in front of me (in another section) were kind enough to let me get in front of them for a better view, so it was all good.

The Ramones- Rockaway Beach

Who doesn't love The Ramones?

Ra Ra Riot- Too Too Too Fast

A great band, with great songs, this being one of my favorites. This track has a super 80's sound, and if you know me, you know I'm not too fond of the 80's, but if an artist is truly talented, they would even have me saying, "Well, I guess the 80's weren't that bad." Unfortunately I've missed them the last couple times they came, but next time, no miss.

The Rentals- Waiting

Well, the lead singer was the former bassist of Weezer. This is my favorite song by them.

Ruby Coast- Creep Me Out

This is just a fun, super fantastic song.

The Shins- Australia

I love The Shins! A friend introduced them to me in middle school, and I've loved them ever since. I've been awaiting the day they stop by Dallas.

Slow Rewind- Dotted Line

I saw this band at The Door Dallas, they were one of the many bands playing at a music festival local venues were hosting. However, they were not one of the many bands that didn't interest me. I loooooved their sound, so, after their set, I asked the bassist for their name as well as gave them a compliment, and I sure was not lying. A little later, the two found me and gave me their EP. They're a local band, though the members are off in college. Maybe they'll get back together, after school? I sure hope so. These boys have got what it takes. They're really good. You can download their free EP here.

Vampire Weekend- A-Punk

I remember when a friend first made me listen to this song, which was about three years ago, I didn't like it.

Them Crooked Vultures- Dead End Friends

So a friend of mine introduced them to me, told me, "You'll really like them," and he was correct. What else should one expect? I mean, the band only consists of Josh Homme of Queens of The Stones Age, Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters, and John Paul Jones of Led freakin' Zeppelin! A power trio? I think so.

Violent Femmes- Blister in The Sun

Having a peculiar, yet pleasant sound, this song was featured on the film Rocket Science. The parents of one of the main characters would have quality time together by playing songs of the Violent Femmes, using a piano and a cello. I thought it was really cute.

The White Stripes- Baby Brother

Oh what fond times we've had. I love it when modern artists have that good ol' Rock 'N Roll sound. You know they appreciate the sound of our fathers.

Woven Bones- Couldn't Help But Stare

Shoegaze: A genre originating in 80s England, now international. Defined by highly distorted guitars, and vocals, usually high-and-breathless or low in the mix, sometimes absent. My sister went to see them at The Granada Theater in Dallas, and brought back with her this album. I borrowed it. I listened. I liked. I imagine the gang from Peanuts would enjoy dancing to this stuff. All their stuff is good party music.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Miles Away

Well everyone knows the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, but they're just too great to pass up. Their earlier stuff really had a punch, that is, a bit of a punk element.

With much enthusiasm, astruso.