This morning someone informed me that "I'm weird".

Well, after that shock of the century, I decided it was about time for another top ten list.

So without further ado:

Art Star's Top Ten Weirdest Things (part 1)

1. Getting Your Penis Pierced

Maybe it is just me but WHY!? When does it become a good idea to put a bar of metal through your johnson? Does it do anything for the girl? Does it do anything for the guy? Does it not hurt as much as it seems it would!? Please if anyone has either gotten the good ol "Prince Albert" or has been with someone who has...leave a comment.

2. Ugh Boots

Commonly referred to as UGG Footwear - these things are just weird. First they have been around for a long time and were practical and useful for people living in COLD climates. Then some poor kids in New York started wearing them because they were cheap and wanted to make a statement. Then celebs in SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA thought they were the best thing since sliced bread. So - Uggs became the fashion staple for a certain type of white chick. To top it all off all of this nonsense set off a huuuge trade war between the United States and Australia. Not to mention - UGGs are UGLY. okay i'm done.

3. The United States of America

We are the good guys. We are the best country in the world. We uphold freedom and democracy. Yet, we had slavery til 1867, decide its okay for women to vote in 1920 (we were able to have a world war before a woman got to vote) second class citizens til 1965, disenfranchisement til well that's still happening, we have used the atomic bomb on civilians twice, we have conducted unlawful experiments on our citizens (Tuskegee and MK-ULTRA), assassinated many a foreign leader, but let genocide slide, oh and we have been torturing folk like it's going out of style for the last seven years in our secret prisons around the world.

I love my country. I am a neo-realist. But we are weird.

4. Those "Funny" Kitten Pictures

I won't lie - some of them are really funny. Still, who are the people who are taking all of these? Who was sitting around one day and decided I will catch my kitten in compromising positions, snap a photo, put a caption using internet slang (aka bad misspellings), and then post it on the internet. People with that much free time should do something useful...like write a blog...damn.

Since I know you want to...feel free to post your favorite cat pictures in the comments

5. Furries

Okay, this is a direct result of the #4. I understand many sexual kinks, but I just don't get furries. I mean how do you have sex if you are dressed up in fur suits...? Actually I don't really want to know. Seriously though if you are a furry or if you are friends of a furry - please leave a comment and explain this to me.

To Be Continued...(dum, dum, dum)

Tune in tomorrow for part 2 (and feel free to leave a suggestion of something weird)

Thursday, while sitting in the Rice University library catching up on my reading in anticipation for my afternoon class, I tuned my mp3 player to the local NPR station. I was treated to an interesting story on All Things Considered about our fascist, impotent former Attorney General John Ashcroft. In the story, which revealed nothing too revolutionary about Ashcroft's policies regarding the war on terror (I mean, we already know how he's absurd, vicious, and outright McCarthyist), did include a wonderful little soundbite in which Ashcroft defended his narrow definition of what constitutes torture. Specifically, he continued to claim the action known as waterboarding (see The Bourne Ultimatum) "is not torture." It is instead, "a remedial process which worked as it should have."

While he does seem slightly uncomfortable (I won't say sorry) with some of the policies the Bush administration employs in the "war" on terror, my personal jury is still out on whether he's truly apologetic of the shady practices, or simply sorry he got caught. As he says, "I'm appaled that so much seems to be available from classified settings; this town leaks like a siv." That really just translates to "I'm sorry I got caught sticking my foot under that stall to accomodate my wide stance, and am horrified at the reality of the public becoming aware of my actions."

So maybe we should just waterboard the fuck out of this close minded individual, and see if the simulated-drowning experience alters his position on what "torture" actually means. An then if that doesn't work, we'll just do it to his whole fucking family.

Check out the NPR story here.

And for the record, just because the next Attorney General was Hispanic, it didn't make him any less of an asshole than his predecessor.