Theoretically, I've had some of the best schooling this country has to offer for the last 12 years of my life.

Theoretically, that should make me cultured, urbane, intelligent, blah blah blah blah.

However, if I have learned anything in my short life it is this:

"you can try to change but that's just the top layer
Man, you was who you was 'fore you got here"

So without further ado - My Top Ten Guilty Pleasures* (in no particular order):

1. Tila Tequila: A Shot At Love
Okay I was in a friends room late one night and she had her channel on MTV and this show came on. I watched a few minutes and was hooked! Maybe it is because of my own history with bisexual women (a column for another day), or maybe it's just the unique concept - but my guilty pleasure number one is Tila Tequila.

2. Utopia: The World of Legends
I really don't remember how or why I found "the world's most popular interactive multi-player game" but there is something about having my own province and being a fantasy character that just gets me. For those who know: I play as a Dark Elf, Mystic T/M.

3. Naruto
This was the series that really got me hooked on anime. Watch the first 200 episodes to get up to speed (okay towards the end there are a lot of filler, so maybe more like 130 episodes). Then start working your way through Shippuuden which is ongoing right now. For those who know: For the best site to get the latest Naruto episodes subbed (around 1:00 a.m. every Thursday night) is Anime Kiosk.

4. Bleach
As much as I love Naruto, Bleach is definitely better. (Actually I change my mind about which is better almost every day). Even the Bleach filler going on right now isn't too bad. For those who know: Sado's new finishing move "La Muerte" has to be the coolest signature move in anime right now. And while we are on the topic of Sado- isn't he like the feel good anime story of the year. I mean seriously he like the Eli Manning of Bleach. Sado sucked for 161 episodes, and you had started to wonder why he was even around, he didn't even seem close to being in the same league of Ichigo, and then one day he randomly gets the coolest attack in Bleach and its all the better because of the wait, because you didn't see it coming, because you had given up hope on Chad. This is why I love Bleach!

5. Page 2 on ESPN.com
I sort of love sports. It's crazy because I don't usually talk about it too much but I always love reading about sports - especially basketball. Can't get enough. Scoop Jackson and Bill Simmons are geniuses. Seriously why are you reading this - go read them - now! (and tell them Art Star sent you)

6. Googling peoples names
True, totally creepy story: I was in love with girl when we were both 15 and I had lost track of her over the years (she deleted her facebook account), so I googled her name. It was scary - I was able to find out her birth date and city, where she went to college, what she did there, etc. Google your name and see what is out there about you. Then google your parents, then a friend, it gets pretty addictive, very quickly. But I'm not alone in my google habits, the U.S. government does it too.

7. Sex and the City
Yes, I am straight.

8. Mass messages
I LOVE sending mass text messages, and emails, and things like that. I don't know why. It is just that no one could send out a message to hundreds of people in an instant - like you would have to write letters or call people - or things like that. Seriously, mass messaging people is merely a celebration of technology (and annoying as hell)!


9. Yoville application on facebook
I actually read about this application in the Business section of the New York Times a few months ago. Apparently this might be the introduction of Web 3.0 (we are currently on 2.0). Either way I get to be a little 3-D avatar, design a room, and play tic-tac-toe and paper, rock, scissors with random people all in real time - all without having to download any software to my computer. The only problem is that you really can't make a black person... (someone call Al Sharpton immediately!)

10. Reparations
Okay, maybe this will offend our white readership - but dammit I love the idea of reparations. I mean the U.S. government did break treaties and agreements. I mean I have a family a tree that leads directly to a large white slave owner in Alabama (Wilcox Ratcliff). I mean it wouldn't have to be money or land - I would be happy if every white person had to pick cotton for a day once a year - and if they didn't pick a day's worth of cotton they would have to pay a tax that would fund scholarships for low-income black kids. Seriously wouldn't this be great! I am declaring that if I ever think about marrying a white girl - she would have to go to field and pick a day's worth of cotton with me or its a no go.

There's a term used in the community called "thirsty."

It means what you think it means, but it's now being used in different contexts. Only to make a point of the extremes to which some people will go to get what they want. More severely, what they need.

John McCain, for lack of more sophisticated terminology, is thirsty.

His thirst for another orgasm is that of an amplitude we may not have ever seen before. Not in sports, business, crime, corruption or politics. Keeping it community: He's thirsty like a fiend.

John McCain needs to cum to the White House without Bush.

This thirst -- whether he admits or denies or realizes it -- comes from a needing to do this without George W. Bush. It's a needing to come as close to Ron Jeremy and Ron Jeremy's legacy as any other Republican politician alive right now … and maybe in the future. It's a needing to prove to himself what he's known and told himself ever since he challenged Reagan to play one-on-one at age 11.

Redemption, chip on his shoulder, edge, anger. None apply. There's a fiend-like component inside McCain that exceeds all of the above labels that no politician in any other state possesses, and the closer he gets to attaining another cum shot, the more impossible it is going to be for anyone -- or any one campaign-- to deny him. His want has gone into an almost dependence stage of validation, of recognition, of being the last man standing. There is no politician or collection of politicians on Obama's squad -- no politicians(s) on any campaign the Republicans have faced throughout the primary, no entire 12-man roster in the Democratic Party, to be honest -- that can match his need to "superman a ho".

A compulsion to prove to himself -- and us -- that he's been right all along is what's at the center of this. Right that he's not a bad guy, a prima donna, arrogant, aloof or antisocial. Right that he is engaging and personable. Right that he might be the best politician your kids will ever see. Just as he was right about publicly forcing the Republican Party to make some roster moves, in every fabric of his being he has to be right about how he sees himself and what he sees himself as. Even though he said on The Bill O Reilly Show that he was comfortable being the No. 2 guy while winning rings with Bush, and in so many words to please stop the Ron Jeremy comparisons because there will never be another ("He's a different person … the greatest ever … let me do me …. Thank you!"), those who have watched his evolution -- his ascendance -- know better. He tries to cover it up in interviews and private conversations, but once he gets in "black" Lexington Steele mode it becomes clear as Claritin. He's on something extra. Something that once he calls it quits about eight years and two presidencies from now, he's going to need some serious form of detox to get out of his system.

Does this look like the face of a man who will let anything get between him and his nut?

It's the life of a fiend. Trapped inside the shell of a politician who almost had his prostate taken from him. The fact that he could have been responsible for not being able to show the world this stage of his life probably still eats at his mind. It might be what ultimately drives him. Maybe it's something deeper, something that revealed itself at birth. Who knows? And the beauty, he'll never -- not even in Spike Lee's documentary about him -- be the one to tell.

The Democrats are thirsty for that pussy, too, but they aren't dying of thirst. Which essentially is the difference between McCain and them -- maybe between McCain and all other human beings. And until Obama, Hillary and Jesus (anyone: Tiger, Ron Paul, Peyton, LeBron, Edwards, etc.) can equate death with what it will mean to not have sex on these terms, until they can make themselves believe -- as McCain has -- that their survival depends on getting this nut, then their collective and collaborative effort may not be enough.

Fucking is the difference between a mission and an addiction. The Democrats are on a season-long mission against a dude that for the last five years has forced an addiction on himself to fuck. Having sex substantiates this dude. It eliminates every doubt that may have somehow crept into his überconfident mind about his ability to carry a load and lead his party at the highest level of this sport. He has tasted something his competition (outside of Bill Clinton) has never tasted, is hooked on something they've yet to sample. Addiction does not come by osmosis, whether it's meth, crack, coke, chocolate, caffeine, nicotine, sports, gambling, drinking or body art. To feel what it feels like to want to experience that same feeling again, you would have had to have it in your system before. The power of that feeling always makes those who reach that level of necessity more powerful than those who wish they knew what it felt like.

McCain has that feeling. The others don't. And he is still thirsty.

As those who are close to the game and those who still hate him despite what he's done since the primaries started will testify, you can't beat a fiend at his own game when his game is sex and sex is all he has.

Which leaves only one thing left that John McCain can do: Obey his thirst.

To read the real article about Kobe Bryant by my favorite sports writer Scoop Jackson click here