“Should’ve known you was trouble from the first kiss. Had your eyes wide open… why were they open?” – Bruno Mars, “Grenade”
It is indeed a rare and strange phenomenon, kissing with your eyes open. It seems to occur most frequently when the participants wish to gaze into each other’s souls, express their feelings for each other, and create a more intimate bond. But yeah Bruno, you’re probably right, if a girl has her eyes open that probably means she’s a raging love-hating monster who’s out to destroy your heart. Ditch the bitch.
(Side note: You realize that if you threw yourself over this hypothetical grenade, it would still explode with enough force to kill her, too, right? Unless you actually want both of you to die, in which case, proceed!)
“Everybody's lookin’ for love… ain’t that the reason you’re at this club?” – Jason Derulo, “In My Head”
Actually, I’m just trying to get drunk, dance, size up other girls to ensure I rank higher on the hotness meter than they do, make eyes at sexy/rich/table-service-receiving boys, and maybe sleep with one of the aforementioned males later on at night and not remember it the morning after when I wake up in his bed. If I wanted love I’d sign up for fucking Match.com.
“Come here, rude boy, boy can you get it up?” – Rihanna, “Rude Boy”
“What's your name? Girl, what's your number? I'm glad I came. Can you take my order?” – Justin Timberlake, Timbaland’s “Carry Out”
Every waitress loves getting hit on. Especially by someone like this.
“Have you ever had sex with a pharaoh? I put the p*ssy in a sarcophagus.” – Kanye West, “Monster”
Sex with a pharaoh sounds nice, but it sounds like you need a little anatomy lesson, Kanye. Boys have the sticky-outy parts, and girls have the sticky-inny parts. Which means it would probably be very difficult to put a woman's cavernous lady parts inside another hole-shaped object. But lesbians find a way to work past that; I’m sure you can, too.
“The square root of 69 is 8 something, right? ‘Cuz I’ve been tryin’ ta work it out.” - Drake, Rihanna’s “What’s My Name”
It’s 8.3066. Buy a calculator. Idiot.
“Oh, that was your girl? I thought I recognized her.” – Drake, Young Money’s “Bedrock”
Drake. Honey. Stop talking.
“But can you feel this magic in the air? It must have been the way you kissed me.” – Taylor Swift, “Today Was a Fairytale”
What? Oh yeah, yeah, that’s magic you’re feeling. MAGIC. Not some adolescent boy’s premature ejaculation. Magic’s known for being recognizable by its sticky texture. How’s the fairytale going for you, by the way? You know a relationship is meant to be when you wear a dress and the guy wears “a dark gray t-shirt” and he picks you up at 6:00 so he can get you back home before your curfew, as you said.
“Is she out there? I just need somebody to love.” – Justin Beiber, “Somebody to Love”
Don’t we all, Justin. Don’t we all.
--Amy Kristen
Okay I know you have been waiting a week for the next ipod shuffle from my oh-so-awesome collection of random music. As you know I have made the claim that I have the most diverse collection of music ever, and all I have to do to prove it is to put my ipod on shuffle (No Skips!)
Here we go:
Pale Blue Eyes by Velvet Underground
A very mellow song, very plaintive and longing. Love the guitar solo. "The fact that you are married, only proves that you are my best friend, but it is truly a sin." Linger on indeed.
Funeral by Clipse feat. Neptunes
First of all I love The Clipse. However, this track isn't their best effort. The beat is decent but the horns could have been more exuberant. The overall concept of a funeral song could have been pushed more - I think the song needed a narrative.
Lemonade by Many Days Waiting
Many Days Waiting is a local band originally from Dallas but now in Scotland led by Kim and Chad Sasser. They're most recent EP "Where Growing Happens" came out last summer and was the truth. "Solitude" was one of my favorite songs from 2007. This track is more spoken word than rock, but the phrase "ahh Texas" is amazing.
Gettin' Some by Shawnna feat. Too Short
Okay this song is dirty but you love it. And guys don't lie that you have always imagined getting some head to this song.
Green Eyes by Coldplay
Another beautiful track by Coldplay. I remember this song getting me in high school. "I came here with a load, it feels so much lighter now I met you, and honey you should know, that I could never go on without you."
Rompe by Daddy Yankee
I remember when this song came on you always wanted to find that girl you really wanted to grind with, I mean really give the business too, because this song goes on FOREVER - like seriously if you couldn't get it after this song came on - give up.
I'm Lovin It by Justin Timberlake
Okay did Justin steal this from McDonalds or vice-versa. Anyway this is an r-rated version of the phrase I mostly associate with a Big Mac.
Baby (remix) by Jay-Z
This is from a great mixtape called Rap Phenomenon III. This mixtape put classic Jay verses to other people's tracks. This is a real nice track, very laid back, very saturday night chilling somewhere really cool with a nice drink in your hand with a beautiful girl.
Cryin Out by Tripp Lee
Another local artist - Tripp Lee is a Christian rap artist whose flow kinda sounds like an early Jeezy. I know Christian rap might sound like an oxymoron but the beats are good and so are the verses. Definitely worth a listen.
P.S. I Love You by The All American Rejects
Okay - I am emo. Sue me.
The Cold Part by Modest Mouse
A track from the critically acclaimed album The Moon & Antarctica is definitely more chilled out and instrumental than what you might expect from Modest Mouse. Very lonely.
Son Of A Preacher Man by Etta James
Just a classic. Enjoy it. Think Pulp Fiction. Remember when gas was cheap. Vibe with it.
Missin You by Notorious B.I.G.
Can I just say that Biggie is amazing. The dude tells stories. Most artists can't tell stories anymore. "can't look his baby girls in the eye." "people swore we were fucking/but we were just cool." Shit is just real. "the dude lived/what my baby have to die for" Hip hop at its best.
Baby Love by Diana Ross and The Supremes
Ride out on this track. "all you do is treat me bad, break my heart and leave me sad". "instead of breaking up, lets do some kissing and making up" Okay girls never say this a dude. If your relationship is like this - get rid of the dude quick - if you don't you have issues.
Thats it for the ipod shuffle! Tune in again next week for the most eclectic randomly generated playlist on the net!
